Best Deceptions Redux
by Jomatto
Summary: Sora pretends to be happy despite his misery. When he falls for his best friend Kairi, his perfect deception begins to unravel. Remake of shirozora's original story.
1. When Nightmare Came Calling

**When Nightmare Came Calling**

Blood.

And lots of it.

Everywhere. On my hand, my clothes, my face.

Upside down, hair scraping the ceiling, disorientated, a ringing in my ears, sight blurry.

A pair of strong arms wrapped around me; my mother's embrace. Her scent mixed with the smell of smoke and gasoline. The car groaned, collapsing underneath its weight. Metal crunched and the floor glittered with glass shards.

The door wrenched open, metal torn apart and air rushing in, a gasp of life.

"_Sora…_"

My mother's faint voice, filled with desperation.

I didn't understand—I couldn't.

I was only four years old when the car flipped over on the way home, a freak accident that sent me and my parents flying off the bridge in the middle of a rainy night. Our car careened into the wet pavement below, crumpling the frame, and leaving us trapped upside down in a pile of metal and glass.

I was the only one who survived.

I could never forget the look of relief on my mom's face as life seeped from her body before my very eyes. I watched helplessly as the firefighter pulled me away.

I wanted them to save her, but it was too late. Half her body was already crushed. She held on just long enough to see me make it to safety.

My dad never had a chance. He died instantly when an errant steel bar pierced his throat.

There was nothing left but cold rain and sirens. I was shuffled to the side as they cleaned up the mess, surrounded by adults with pitying eyes, asking if I had "relatives," and assuring me that "everything was going to be okay."

It wasn't.

I could never return to those days by the beach when the ocean was clear and the skies were blue. Never again would I watch the night stars shine and the moon grin from the comfort of my mother's lap.

I lost everything that night.

Even my best friend.

Riku.

I used to play with him by the beach. He was a year older than me and already started school. We were inseparable. We did everything together. We swam, sparred with sticks, and ate my mom's sandwiches. Some days, he was difficult, and on others, he was easy, but on all days, he was my best friend.

I haven't seen him since.

With no immediate family to be found, the authorities struggled to find me a place to stay. After bouncing around from department to department, I was finally dumped into the social welfare system and wound up in a foster home.

My new house sat on top of a lonely hill that was too far from the beach. It was a tall rickety shack that leaned at a slight angle. From the attic window, you could see the whole city, and if you squinted hard enough, you could also see the ocean.

My caretakers were a pair of old ladies, Maleficent and Ursula, who couldn't be any more different from each other. One was very tall, thin, and bony with a narrow face and pinched cheeks. Her eyelids were weighed down by shades of purple and her hair was spun neatly around two horns.

The other was short, chubby, and wide, with a chin that masked her neck. A tuft of hair sprouted from her head like a white flame.

They were all grins and smiles in front of the social worker, but it was just for show. As soon as we were left alone, they dropped the act.

They never called me by name. It was always "bastard," "little shit," or a variation thereof. On a good day, they would just call me "you." They forced me to do all the chores; cleaning the house, washing the dishes, doing the laundry, and taking out the garbage. I never had a break, and I was only fed table scraps a couple times a day.

"_You should be grateful you're getting this much_," they told me.

Even dogs were treated better. If I didn't listen to them, they'd lock me in the closet for hours. It was horrible, but what else could I do? I was a little kid with nowhere to go. I didn't have a choice.

I slept in the attic, the coldest room at night, and the hottest room during the day. All I had was a dirty mattress on the floor and a tiny light bulb that I had to screw and unscrew several times before it worked. When I was done for the day, I was stuck in the attic for the whole night. The attic was locked from the outside until it was time to work the next morning.

I often stared out the window, my lone connection with the outside world. My mom once told me that shooting stars had the power to grant wishes. I was always waiting for one to fall.

I was trapped in that house for two miserable years. No matter how bad it got, I wouldn't cry. The first time I did, I was beaten so hard, they pretended to go on vacation when the social worker visited. It took me several days before I could stand up again, and once I did, it was back to scrubbing the floors. I learned my lesson: don't ever cry again.

It wasn't until the social worker informed them that I was required to attend school that I was able breathe fresh air. They didn't have a choice, not unless they wanted their monthly checks to dry up. They grudgingly enrolled me in school.

They set a strict timeline for me. I had to go straight home every day. If I was late by even one minute, it was closet time.

At school, I didn't talk to anyone, and nobody talked to me. I was always by myself. I didn't mind. It was better than doing the chores, better than being locked up in the attic, and better than waiting for a shooting star that would never fall.

The other kids would occasionally poke me. They wanted to see me react, but I never did. It only encouraged them further. I was soon the official classroom punching bag. They shoved me, smacked me on the head, and kicked my shins.

I never fought back, I never complained, and I never cried. As long as I didn't do anything, they'd eventually get bored and leave me alone.

It wasn't until fourth grade that I realized that there was more to life than suffering.

For the first time in my miserable existence, I had hope. I had finally found my shooting star.

And her name was Kairi.

* * *

**AN: This story is not my own, but based on _Best Deceptions_ by shirozora. I have blessings from the original author, so all credit to him/her. The original was never completed, so I'm taking matters into my own hands.**


	2. Chasing Butterflies

**Chasing Butterflies**

The field was my sanctuary.

Back in elementary school, I wasn't allowed on the playground, the sandbox, or the blacktop, because the bigger kids would always push me out. The only place left for me was the field.

It was overgrown, the grass colored between brown and yellow, with barren patches. There was enough residual moisture to keep the grass from dying, but it was in plant purgatory, constantly wavering on the edge of death. Where there wasn't grass, there was solid rock, impervious like concrete. Then there was ground so soft you could sink in it. Huge mounds lay hidden, ant hills, home to massive insects that could take a chunk out of your leg. The grass went up to my knees, tall enough to make any step a dangerous one.

There were trees with gnarly roots, twisted and contorted bark with chipped skin. The maze of roots below would trap any errant footstep fool enough to tread the ground. Even without the trees, there were still thorny thickets, puddles of wet mud, and unsteady ground that could collapse like a hidden pitfall.

Enough kids got hurt that the school issued a general advisory to avoid the field when possible. One would think that the school would just cut the grass, uproot the colonies, and tend to it with proper lawn care, but it was cheaper to tell the kids to stay away.

Not that it stopped me.

The field was my second home. Stuck in a cramped attic room for most my life, the field was freedom to me. It was an untamed wilderness, golden in the orange light, complex, confusing, but comfortable. I could run out and explore to my heart's content, from top to bottom, and discover absolute treasures; a trapdoor spider, a flying sparrow, or a quarry of smooth stones.

There were dangers to be sure, for I would dodge volatile ant hills, escape from angry hornets, and run from the occasional imaginary tiger. But I was adept. I was in my natural habitat, my own personal safe haven.

In class, I was at the mercy of my peers. My reputation as an unflappable child invited bullies who hoped to get a rise out of me. They were never dumb enough to do it out in the open. It was always an "accident": stepping on my shoes, spilling glue in my hair, pouring water over my papers—whatever it was, I bore it. It was a little game of theirs, whoever could get me to crack first would win.

The field was a different story though. It was my domain, and I was its sole administrator. The bullies couldn't chase me because if they did, I would lead them straight into the ant mines, the quick sand, and the thorns.

I never thought that my situation was strange. It made sense. It was uncomplicated, straightforward, and well within the rules. It was a simple way of life; if you broke the rules, you would get punished.

The rules were never laid out clearly for me. I had to figure them out the hard way. If I got punished for it, then a new rule was born. The first time I smiled at home, I was hit. I learned a new rule that day: don't smile. It was only natural that I would take the rules at home with me to school.

My first grade teacher once pulled me aside and told me to "smile more." Apparently, my rigid face was "scaring" the other kids. She demonstrated a smile for me and told me to do the same. She did it with ease, her muscles contracting effortlessly, edges pulled into a corner, and teeth shining. It was a familiar sight, ubiquitous. Parents would smile when they saw their children, and the children would smile when they saw their parents. It was a long time since I last smiled. I tried and I tried but I couldn't do it. My fruitless attempts wore out her patience. She put on a stern face and asked me, "Why can't you smile?"

I said to her, "I don't know."

She admonished me for playing around, and in the end, ordered me to stop frightening the others. That day, I learned that I could smile at school, not that I had a reason to.

In the rare times when I was alone, I would look at myself in the window and practice. I curled up the edges of my mouth, bared my teeth, but it never came out right. The most I could ever manage was a crooked grin that scared even me.

That was my formula to survival: Follow the rules. Straying from the path only led to more punishments and more rules.

But the field at Destiny Elementary School had no rules except for the ones I set. For fifty minutes, from Monday through Friday, I could do whatever I wanted. I suffered no consequences for being in the field, which meant it was well within the rules.

But one day, an invader appeared.

A knight, with a blazing red mane, dared to intrude upon my domain. She was a stranger, transferred in from another school, so she didn't know, even though she was here for a week already. She ignored the warnings from the teachers, the warnings from her peers, and decided to leap into the fray—into my territory. She would have to be punished; it was the only way she could learn the rules.

"You don't belong here," I warned her. "Get outta here or you're gonna get hurt."

She stood her ground, proud, with hands on her hips. She didn't look like the other girls. Her hair was short and messy. She gave me a mean stare, a look of defiance, but the longer she gazed at me, the more curious she became. "What's your name?"

Did it matter? None of the other kids cared, why would she? And more importantly, why was she still here? Why hadn't she run off yet? "Don't blame me if you cry." I sped off into the field, leaving her behind.

"Wait up!" She bolted after me, just like I planned.

Ten feet deep into the field was the first ant hill, perfectly hidden by the grass. So I ran towards the first trap and made a small leap, masking it as a wide stride. I looked over my shoulder to see what would happen, but right when she was about to step on it, she jumped out of the way.

She caught my surprised face and smirked. "The other kids told me you had traps."

Impressive, but there was plenty more where that came from. I sprinted off again and she gave chase. I knew the field like the back of my hand and used it to my advantage. The ant hill was only the beginning.

I delved deeper into the field and came across a rough patch of sharp rocks. One wrong move and the sharp points could pierce your soles. I had learned long ago to tilt my shoes and push off the blunt sides of the stones to avoid damage. It took me weeks of practice to learn how to run through it unscathed. How would she deal with this obstacle?

I turned around but she was nowhere in sight.

"I'm not going to fall for that!" she alerted. She avoided the patch completely? She positioned herself to catch me as soon as I left the rocky ground. I still had more tricks up my sleeve.

I kicked the rocks towards her and ditched the area. I set course towards another part of the field that was shadier, dirtier, and more slippery. The ground was soft, and unless you knew the sweet spots, it would collapse right underneath you. The solid foot path was irregular. I had to run in a zigzag pattern, leaping from right-to-left and left-to-right, bouncing off steady footholds. I looked over my shoulder to see her keeping up comfortably. She was retracing my steps.

Next, I tried to lure her into the thorny bushes and thistles. It was a dense thicket, with two to three types of bushes in a single plot. Some of the plants had needles, and some were perfectly safe to run though. I blazed through the leaves, kicking up clouds of dust, the air rushing past me, with specks glittering in the sunlight. Dragonflies zoomed past me and butterflies emerged from the bushes as I ran through their homes.

Every time I thought she would fall into a trap, she avoided danger at the last second. She was relentless, quick, and aware.

I led her towards the trees where the roots stretched out like hands of the dead. I bowed my head to avoid low branches. I held my arm up to swing the branches backwards and sent acorns flying at her.

It didn't matter what I did. She took everything I threw at her and then some. It was time for my last resort.

I crouched down midstride and picked up a couple rocks. I winded up my arm and threw the rocks straight into the leaves above me. I stopped in my tracks and turned around.

She stopped too and gave me wary look. A light breeze swept though and the tree cast dancing shadows on us.

"How did you dodge everything?" I asked her.

She gave me a light smile as her hair bounced softly against her cheeks. "Because I see you!" she answered back.

I frowned at the strange answer. "You see me?"

She nodded. "When I see you in the field, I see how you move, the spots you avoid, and the spots you stick to. I memorized it from watching you."

"Why?" I whispered.

"You shouldn't keep all the fun for yourself; I want to play here too!" she whined.

"Fun?" I repeated. My eyes fell to the ground, watching as the shadows slithered over roots and pebbles. Fun…it was such a foreign word. I heard it all the time when the other parents came. "_Did you have fun_?" they would ask. I never heard that question from my caretakers. At home, I wasn't allowed to smile, I wasn't allowed to laugh, and I wasn't allowed to have fun.

It was against the rules.

"Gotcha!" Her hands clamped onto my shoulders and she gave me a victorious smile. She snuck up on me when I was lost in thought. Satisfied with her triumph, she let go and folded her arms behind her back. "So, what should we play next?" A low buzzing sound came to our attention, increasing in volume from above. "What's that noise?"

It was my last trap. "Run!" I ordered. I grabbed her hand and started pulling.

"What's going on?" She turned her head around and yelped. "What are those?" she yelled in a panic.

They were hornets, which I had provoked with a few well-thrown rocks. It was not one, not two, but three nests that I stirred up. A black cloud of them descended from the tree and started chasing after us.

We ran our tails off, avoiding the anthills, pratfalls, and mud pits along the way. I was already exhausted from the previous chase, but I had to press on. I breathed deeply, air burning my lungs, and fatigue seeping into my legs. It ached, but I pushed aside the pain and gripped the girl's hand tighter, making sure that she was close.

We finally made it out of the field, but we weren't safe yet. The hornets wouldn't stop, and continued to hound us onto the blacktop.

"Everybody, run!" she screamed.

All the kids on the playground turned to her and saw the cloud of buzzing hornets on our trail. A gaggle of terrified screams and shocked gasps erupted. Chaos broke out, with little boys and girls running for cover. The hornet fleet dispersed and spread out, attacking any stray child. It was every kid for himself. The teachers corralled the lost into classrooms, bathrooms, and anything that kept the hornets out. The day was a complete and total mess. Classes were canceled, the paramedics were called, and over twenty kids got stung.

It came to light that we were at fault, and the principal pulled me and the girl aside for a stern talking to.

It was the first and only time my caretakers picked me up from school. They apologized to the principal profusely, but they were so embarrassed, the very second we arrived at home, they threw me into the closet immediately. I expected it. I had broken the rules. I deserved to be punished. I was stuck in the closet the whole day and night.

As I sat in the darkness of that cramped space, my mind replayed the events of that day. My body was sore, my muscles ached, and my joints burned, but it felt good. And the more I thought about it, the better I felt. It was...fun. My body was heavy, but my heart was light, lifted by a strange joyous feeling. It was happiness. I recalled everything. Those times with my mother by the beach, those times with Riku on the island, and those times with my dad at home.

I cried.

Not because I was sad, but because I remembered the feeling I thought I'd lost. I remembered my parents again, and my long lost friend, and the delight that used to spring up in my body like a well. Years with my foster family had run me dry, but now, I felt moisture. I rubbed my eyes and felt something strange on my face. I touched my mouth and realized...

I was smiling.

I didn't mind the darkness. I had my memories to comfort me. But I wanted to experience that feeling again. I didn't care if it was against the rules. I wanted to have fun.

Before I knew it, it was the next morning.

When I arrived to school, I saw that the field had been cordoned off. A makeshift fence of yellow tape with the words "Do not enter" prevented us from crossing over. The girl from yesterday was standing there, looking over the field. I walked up to her.

"Look what you did," I told her.

She gave me a lopsided grin. "But wasn't it fun?" She beamed at me, waiting for my reply, when she suddenly squealed. "Ah! You're smiling! That's the first time I've seen you do that!"

My grin only grew wider. It was so natural, I wondered how I could never do it before.

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Kairi," she answered cheerily. She gave me an expectant look.

"Sora," I replied, answering the question she asked yesterday.

From that point on, we played together. With the field out of commission, Kairi would chase me all over the playgrounds, sandbox, and blacktop. We played a mean game of tag, using every thing as an obstacle. We would run through swings, underneath slides, and straight through dodge ball games. Some of the other kids saw how much fun we were having and decided to join in too. She was the echo that brought about the avalanche. Before I knew it, I had friends, people I could talk to and play with during school. My life was never the same again.

Thanks to the parents who complained about the hornet incident, the school finally decided to clean up the field. Within a month, the field was a perfect rectangle of immaculately trimmed grass. I had my field again, except this time, I wasn't alone. I had somebody with me, a shooting star—a miracle named Kairi. She taught me a valuable lesson that day:

Sometimes, it's okay to break the rules.

If we hadn't broken the rules, I never would've discovered the one secret that my caretakers tried so hard to hide from me.

That life was worth living.


	3. Waiting on a Friend

**Waiting on a Friend**

Kairi brought out the best in me.

Whenever she was around, the smiles came easily. It was a natural reaction. The corners of my mouth curved up involuntarily and my teeth shined. The other kids complimented me on my grin. They said I brightened up the room. Strange to think that I was the one who cheered them up, but as long as Kairi was around, I was happy. She made life bearable. Those moments with her—with my friends, made life worth living.

She gave me the confidence to be more than I was. I was the one who laughed contagiously, who joked around, and perked up the class when they were feeling down. I became a cheerleader and encouraged others. It wouldn't have been possible without her. Kairi was my crutch, my lone pillar of support, my goal in life. She gave me the power to smile in front of others. Without her, I was nothing. I learned this the hard way in middle school, when we were forced to go to different schools.

It wasn't a dramatic separation. It came down to simple geography. My caretakers' home was outside the district, which meant I had to attend a different middle school. For two years, I had to endure school without her. I always thought that I could only be my true self around her, but I wondered if it was the opposite? It was only when I was on my own did I realize how truly lost I was.

Though we attended different schools, we stayed in touch. There was a restaurant called the Secret Place that often met at after school. I could count the number of times I ordered food there on one hand. I never had much money, and any little I had went directly to my caretakers' accounts.

Kairi normally got herself a salad, or if she was feeling down, a sundae, and I would be content to watch her eat. She'd offer to buy me something on occasion but I'd politely decline and lie, saying that I ate earlier.

It was just a normal day when I waited at the Secret Place, sitting in the stall that we always used together. It was close to the window, which offered a great view of the street outside. The red cushioning that lined the stall was comfortable. A checkerboard pattern covered the floor and pictures of the beach adorned the walls. Light tropical tunes leaked from the ceiling speakers. It was a casual atmosphere.

I checked the time on my moogle clock. I didn't wear a watch, nor did I have a cell phone. My only means of telling time was a toy keychain in the shape of a moogle. It was a white creature with a button-red nose, pom poms, and tiny wings. A rectangle bar ran across its belly, displaying the time. It didn't have any other special functions like an alarm or stopwatch, it simply served its purpose and told me the time.

I received it as a gift, a token from my new social worker. When I was in sixth grade, the old social worker transferred out and was replaced by Tifa Lockhart, a busty raven-haired beauty with extreme dedication to her job.

Unlike the last social worker, who merely glanced at the surface, Tifa dug a little deeper. She had a habit of dropping by unannounced to check up on me. I didn't know why she worked so hard when we barely knew each other, but I owed her my gratitude. She wanted me to take on extracurricular activities after school and strong-armed my caretakers into extending my curfew. It was thanks to her that I could meet with Kairi at all.

When she gave me the clock, she told me, "_Now with this, you'll know exactly what time it is. Don't worry about curfews and just have fun, okay?_"

I spun the toy on the table and watched as time blurred into a circle. It was a routine of mine. I would spin the moogle round and round to see how long I could keep it spinning. When it stopped, I would see how much time had passed. Sometimes, I spun it once and entire minutes flew by, and other times, I would spin it over and over only for seconds to crawl.

"Did you wait long?" Kairi asked.

"Not too long," I said, looking up and smiling. I stopped the moogle's spin and glanced at its belly. I had waited for ten minutes. Kairi tried hard to keep a straight face but failed miserably; she could hardly contain her excitement. "What's got you so happy?"

"You can tell, huh?" She sat down and leaned against her palm. She still retained her boyish cut from elementary school. She said it made it easier for her to do sports. Although our games of tag ended long ago, she continued to run on her middle school track team. She joked that "_if we could outrun hornets, then we could outrun anybody_."

She encouraged me to join the track team at my middle school, so I did. Thanks to my extended curfew, I was able to go to practice most afternoons; otherwise, we'd meet each other at the Secret Place on our days off.

Most people considered her a tomboy, but to me, she was always beautiful. I knew that it was only a matter of time before everybody else realized this. Until that happened, I counted my days with her. I shouldn't have been surprised by what she said next.

"There's a boy," she said, her cheeks coloring.

I could already see the future. As time went on, I would only drop in priority. She'd make new friends, girlfriends, and boyfriends, and I'd be left behind like an old toy. I was prepared for it, but I promised to support her no matter what. If she liked someone, then I'd help any way I could. "What's he like?"

"He's hot."

We burst out laughing together.

"Hello, what will you fine folks be having today?" greeted the waitress. "The usual?"

Kairi nodded. "Yup, the salad for me."

"And a drink of water for you?" the waitress asked.

"That's right," I replied.

"Alright, I'll be back soon," she said before leaving.

Kairi didn't say anything, but I could tell what she was thinking. My order of a single glass of water always baffled her. I gave the same excuse enough times that she stopped bothering me about it. "I just don't have the money."

"I can't believe your foster parents don't give you anything. I think no allowance should count as child abuse," she joked. If she only knew how inappropriate it was, but it didn't bother me.

"So this guy...he's hot, is that it?" I asked, returning to our previous conversation.

Kairi folded her hands beneath her chin and grinned. She was just itching to talk about him. "That's the first thing I noticed. He has a gorgeous smile too. It makes _this_," she pointed to her chest, "go really fast."

"I never knew your breasts had speed settings."

"Shut up." It was a sore spot for her. She wasn't "developing" at the rate of the other girls and any mention of her chest set her off. The last time I brought it up; she disagreed with me quite violently. I learned to avoid the subject.

Thinking back, the reason behind her crush made a lot of sense. What other reason was there for teenagers to like someone other than their looks? We weren't searching for deep meaningful relationships, how could we when we hardly knew ourselves? The requirements for a crush weren't that high. You just had to look good and not be a jerk. Everything else was a bonus, like good manners.

"Describe him for me."

She closed her eyes and hummed. "Well…he has these mesmerizing blue eyes—"

"Like mine?" I interjected.

She opened her eyes just to roll them. "Not exactly. You give off a warm friendly feeling."

"Then what about this guy of yours?"

"A cool sexy feeling."

I chuckled at the answer. "Anything else you want to add?"

"I'm just getting started. He has like, an absolutely perfect face, and he looks like a supermodel. He has a great body. Very muscular, but not bulky, you know? It's hard to believe he's in middle school, he makes the other kids look like…kids."

"Sounds pretty dazzling."

"But he's totally out of my league," she said, frowning. It was a ridiculous statement.

"You're not out of anyone's league," I countered. "Any guy would be lucky to have your attention."

"Aww, that's sweet of you to say, even if you don't mean it."

"I do. Don't sell yourself short. If you really wanted to, I bet you could be the most popular girl in school. You got it all: a great personality, running ability, good grades, and your out-of-this-world good looks. Et cetera."

She giggled at my shower of compliments. She knew better than to argue with me when I was in total suck up mode. "Thanks."

I shrugged. "That's what I'm here for."

She clenched her fists and fired herself up. "Alright, I'll give it a shot! I'm going to ask him out." It was a bold declaration.

"Where does your confidence come from?"

"You," she answered cheekily. She ran a hand through her hair and fiddled with loose strands. "I think it's time to grow out my hair."

"Why?" I asked, raising a brow.

"I hear he likes girls with long hair. Lucky me, right?"

"Really? But I like your hair…"

"Me too," she agreed. "But I think it's finally time for a change. What about you? Your hair's the same as always. If anybody needs a change, it's you."

"My hair's not the same. It's spikier and messier than when I was a kid," I explained.

"You say it like it's a good thing."

"It isn't?"

"I like something with more style."

"Like this boy of yours?"

She paused to parse my response. "Ah, that's right. There's one detail about him that really stands out that I totally forgot to mention."

"How's it outstanding if you forgot to mention it?" I prodded.

She ignored my point and continued, "He has shining silver hair." That did seem a little strange. There was only one person I knew with that hair color, and I hadn't seen him in years.

"Huh… Speaking of things you forgot to mention, do you even know this guy's name?"

Her face lit up in surprise. "I never told you, did I? His name is Riku."

My mind stopped working and churned out nothing but blanks. I hadn't heard that name in a long time, and I never expected to hear it coming from her. From her description, it was undeniable that her Riku was the same as mine, although a part of me refused to believe it.

"Do you know him?" she asked. My surprise was plain as day on my face, not that I was trying to hide it, but I'm usually good at masking my emotions. She tried to glean any information from my expression, but she wasn't going to find anything.

I never told her much about my past. All she knew was that my parents died and that I was living with foster parents. It was all she needed to know. I never wanted her to worry, so I never gave her an inch to worry about.

"I was friends with a kid named Riku when I was younger, before I started school. I wonder if he's the same one."

Her eyes gleamed with the sparkle of opportunity. "Say, if it's the same Riku, do you think you can put in a good word for me?"

I was taken back by the request, but I reminded myself of my promise to her. "I'm not sure if he even remembers me."

She waved it off. "That's fine. If you remember him, then he has to remember you. You should swing by and I could introduce you two." She rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Maybe I could stage an encounter and make a good impression?" She was already devising plans based on the assumption that I knew him.

"I'll drop by sometime then."

"Thanks!" she said, beaming at me. "But enough about me, what about you? You got your eyes on any girls at your school?"

"Not really," I answered, shaking my head. I knew I should be paying more attention to the opposite sex, but I had too many preoccupations. "Between school and the track club, there's not a whole lot of room for romance."

"That's such a waste," she let out, sighing. "If you don't have time, just make time. All the girls at your school are missing out. You're quite the catch!" Unfortunately, she was basing this on my behavior around her. By myself, I was awkward, silent, and timid. I was the furthest thing from boyfriend material.

"What are you pushing so hard for? I'm fine with just my friends," I excused.

"I'd feel guilty if I had a boyfriend and you were alone."

"You worry too much."

She cracked a smile at that and immediately switched gears. "How's the track club?"

Absolutely dreadful, but I wasn't going to tell her that. "It's great. The upperclassmen are nice, and I'm getting a lot of exercise."

"Maybe I'll see you at one of the meets?"

If I was lucky, we wouldn't. I joined the track club for Kairi's sake, but things didn't turn out the way I expected. "Only if your school's good enough," I boasted.

She stuck her tongue out. "Just you wait."

The waitress arrived with our order. "Here you are: one salad for the lady and a glass of water for the gentleman. Are you sure you won't be ordering anything?" she asked me.

I nodded. "I'm sure."

We finished up on our meal and went our separate ways.

It seemed like just a normal day but it carried implications I failed to realize at the time. It was the turning point for our relationship. Riku was no longer just a boy she liked; he became a recurring topic of interest. Each day, she had a little more to share about him, and a little less to share about everything else. As the weeks flew by, he seemed to be the only thing we talked about. Our conversations became increasingly one-dimensional; she would ask me for advice, and I would tell her what to do.

"Riku likes girls who speak politely. You think you can help me practice?"

When we met, she greeted me politely instead of joking like she always did. When she slipped out a crude insult, she corrected herself and apologized immediately.

"Riku likes girls who are smart. You think you can help me study?"

I was good at studying; it was the only thing I was allowed to do for fun at home. It was natural that she asked me for help. She brought her textbooks to the restaurant and I helped her with homework. On some days, that was all we did. Study.

"I heard Riku likes blondes. Do you think I should dye my hair?"

I had to set my foot down on this suggestion, but she eventually grew her hair until it fell past her shoulders.

Our relationship was no longer based on having fun with each other; it was based on trust, understanding, and support. I became her confidante, someone she could rely on to never reveal her secrets. Her crush on Riku allowed her to reflect on her insecurities. She shared them with me in the hopes that she could become "good enough" for Riku's. Ironically, it was because we went to different schools that she trusted me so strongly. I would really have to go out of my way to betray her—not that I would, but I was good at keeping secrets, and I'd keep hers even if it killed me.

She was changing at a rate that I couldn't keep up with. I would spin my moogle clock and days would pass by, and every time I looked up, Kairi was a little different than before.

"I'm tired of people saying I'm a tomboy, I'm a girl too," she declared.

"I'm sure they know you're a girl," I replied with mirth.

She giggled. "Remember Selphie? She's really pretty these days. She's good with using make up. Maybe I should use some more?"

"You already look great," I complimented.

"That's only because you know me."

The next day, she showed up with eye shadow and lipstick. It was only a little bit, but she looked like a completely different person.

"What do you think?" she asked nervously.

"Wow, you look amazing." It wasn't hyperbole.

She gave a coy smile. "Thanks."

The Kairi I used to know was reckless, brash, and loud, but the girl before me was nothing like that. She had grown into an elegant, mature, and beautiful young lady.

It frightened me.

"How was your day?" she asked politely.

I wasn't sure how to respond. "Alright. Nothing exciting."

"That's good," she replied enthusiastically. My answer wasn't even that positive.

"You seem bright today."

"Riku gave me compliment. He said I looked nice! I think he's finally starting to notice me." She was practically glowing.

Whenever she gushed about Riku, the air was charged with positivity. I was happy for her. I loved it when she smiled, I really did.

So why did it hurt so much to see her smiling so brightly?

I thought that as long as I was with her, I would be happy, but I was wrong. Each change I saw in her sent nails through my chest, and I couldn't figure out why. Spending time with her became increasingly painful. My heart was a pincushion, and hearing her talk about Riku drove the needles in deeper. The only time I could say something was when she asked me a question.

"Is something wrong?" she asked me, concerned. "You've been acting kinda—you've been acting strange lately."

"You've changed, Kairi. I just don't know how to act around you anymore…"

She smiled softly. "You know, this is the first time you showed a sign of trouble. It always seemed like you had the perfect life, no problems or anything… If you're having trouble, you'd tell me, right?"

"Of course," I lied.

"Good. You've always been the one helping me out. I just want to repay the favor sometime. When you said that I changed, that made me happy. Just stay as you are, Sora. There's no reason for you to change."

That was right; I had to maintain appearances. I couldn't waver now. She relied on me. Despite the pain, I would have to continue smiling for her sake. I was the one laughed, the one who joked, the one lifted her spirits. I couldn't abandon my duty.

But it was hard—too hard. There was a heavy weight on my chest, crushing me, making it difficult to breathe around her. My blood flow was cut off, numbing my body, and my fingers lost sensation. It was only when she hugged me, did I feel anything. Her touch burned, sending feverish tingles over my body. It took all my willpower to not crumble before her. The only way I could keep up with her was to lie. I hid my pain beneath forced smiles and false assurances. I didn't budge. I couldn't give her an inch. She didn't need to be burdened with my problems.

But the pain was getting to be too much. I had to pinpoint the source of it. It wasn't physical, but it felt like I was dying inside. I had never felt this kind of hurt before. It only started after the day she mentioned Riku. It hurt the most when I was with her, but it showed up at home too. It dawned on me that it was Kairi. She was the source. And every time I thought of her, my heart twisted.

It didn't make sense. Kairi was my friend. She saved me. She made me happy. Why was she causing me so much pain? Then I finally realized it.

I was in love with her.

I had crossed a line I wasn't supposed to. Her happiness was my biggest priority, and I knew that I couldn't make her happy. I lacked the heart to do so. It was twisted by too much pain and suffering. I couldn't allow her to be tainted. She was too pure. I needed her to stay that way. She was my only constant, the one glimmer of light in my world of darkness.

The rules of my house bore its fruit. If I did something wrong, I felt pain. This feeling of mine was wrong. That was why it hurt so much. I was lucky enough to be her friend, there was no reason go beyond that. I couldn't let my selfishness get in the way. There was already someone she liked. She would be happier with him. I knew she only saw me as a friend. That was my sole role, my only function for her. She deserved someone better than me. Someone who wasn't a liar, a deceiver, and a traitor.

My life was hardly worth anything. She was the only one who gave it meaning. The people who cared about me only cared because of my deception. I had suffered. I had sinned. But she was my redemption.

And I would gladly sacrifice my life if it meant her happiness.


	4. Contacts

**Contacts**

I never knew my own phone number until Kairi asked for it.

She was baffled when I told her I didn't know. She gave me her digits and told me to call once I got home. Her caller ID would record my number for her.

The phone was forbidden to me. My caretakers couldn't have me "wasting time and money" on the line. I was only allowed to answer it. My best chance to call was when my caretakers weren't there, but it always seemed like one of them was home.

I waited, and waited, until one day, I found the chance. That was the first time I called another person, and the funny thing? Kairi wasn't even there to receive it.

When Kairi called back thirty minutes later, my caretakers had returned, answered it, said I wasn't here, and locked me in the closet for two hours. I knew I'd broken the rules, but if it was for Kairi, I'd do anything.

As I sat in the musty, enclosed space, I devised a system to get around the rules. Contact outside of school became a game of cat and mouse. I told her that the only time we could talk was when I called her. If she had something important to tell me, she could call, but speak only when I was the one answered. If she heard my caretakers' voice, she should hang up and try again later.

They were odd rules, but I told her I wasn't allowed to use the phone. It was a legitimate excuse, but one that sounded sillier the older we got. It wasn't a problem in elementary since we saw each other every day, but coordinating our meetings at the Secret Place during middle school was difficult. Miscommunication occurred often. On some days, I missed her messages and ended up waiting by myself for the whole afternoon. I never told her about these occasions, and lied about receiving her messages when we met again. On those days she didn't come, I sat quietly and sipped my water until curfew was up.

It was on a day when she said she wouldn't come that I met Riku again.

I missed a message from Kairi telling me that she was going to hang out with her friends instead of coming over. I waited in the usual spot like always. She hadn't arrived in over twenty minutes, and that was when I knew she wasn't coming. Whenever this happened, I would just spin my clock and watch time tick by.

I was still struggling with my feelings for her at the time. I told myself that it wasn't love, but something else. There were plenty of excuses to choose from. I was only twelve—that itself was already a good reason. How could I possibly grasp an emotion at such a young age? Love was just a delusion of youth. I was thinking like a doe-eyed, hopeless romantic, middle-school girl. I only _thought_ I was in love. I was mistaking my feelings for something else. I looked in the dictionary and found the words "crush" and "infatuation." I felt they were more appropriate. I was just in a state of temporary obsession.

I learned about hormones from school. They were chemicals the body produced during puberty that was responsible for many important changes, both physically and mentally. I felt relieved after reading about it. It explained the reasons for my crush on her. I'd grow out of it soon enough.

Everyday, my stance on her changed. If it wasn't hormones, than it was loneliness. She was my one connection to the outside world. Everyone else had drifted away or disappeared. The idea of losing her to some outside force like a "boyfriend" scared me.

If it wasn't fear, then it was jealousy. I wanted Kairi to myself. She was my only friend. If she found a boyfriend, then I'd lose everything.

The four words that summed up seventh grade for me: fear, jealousy, loneliness, and confusion.

The stall I was occupying felt lonely. It was big enough for ten people. When Kairi was here, she filled it up with her presence.

The waitress approached me. "She's not coming today?"

I shook my head. "It doesn't look like it."

"I'll bring you a lemonade on the house," she offered.

"Thanks."

The waitress was familiar with my routine. She felt bad whenever she saw me sitting alone. She'd offer a drink on the house and make idle chit chat to make sure I wasn't feeling lonely. I appreciated her thoughtfulness, even though I wasn't really a paying customer.

"_The boss says its fine. You're loyal, and loyal customers are better than paying customers_."

I crossed my hands beneath my chin and stared out the window. The street outside was bustling with life. I pondered on the lives that passed by. Did the little child with an ice cream in his hand have any worries? What was on the mind of the rushing mother? What was the man with the tie thinking as he jogged across the street, swinging his suitcase beside him? Were there people like me, who suffered silently in their own homes, walking outside as if they had no care in the world?

I might've given up long ago if it wasn't for Kairi. She gave me the strength to endure. There was a light at the end of the tunnel, and I just had to hold out for a couple more years until I reached it.

The door rang when a group of new customers walked in. My eyes veered towards the entrance and widened when I spotted Kairi. She wasn't supposed to show up today.

There were seven of them in total, four girls, including Kairi, and three boys. I recognized one of the girls, a brunette by the name of Selphie who was an old friend from elementary school. The rest were either strangers or had their backs turned to me.

Kairi instinctively looked to my stall and noticed me. Her mouth opened in surprise. She exchanged a few words with Selphie and excused herself from the group. She ducked into my stall and hunched over as if to hide.

"What are you doing here? Didn't you get my message?" she whispered.

"I like to come here by myself too sometimes," I said coolly. It wasn't hard finding an excuse that worked. "But if you told me you weren't going to be here, then why are you here?" I asked, turning the tables on her.

She frowned, having been caught red-handed. "I wasn't expecting to be here either. When we were deciding where to go, one of the girls suggested the Secret Place."

The two of us weren't supposed to be here, but we were. It wasn't like we were doing anything wrong behind each other's backs; it was just an unexpected situation. "So what now?"

"I don't know. What do you do here when you're alone?" she asked.

"Eat?" I said tentatively.

"Are you telling me you eat when I'm not around?" she said, scoffing. "That's rude. You'll make a girl feel guilty about eating alone."

"Sorry," I apologized dishonestly. "I just hang around here and think. I'm a loyal customer, so I get some free drinks out of it."

"Loyal customer? You never buy anything," she pointed out.

I smiled at her reaction. "Loyalty isn't measured in money. Anyways, shouldn't you be going back to your merry band of friends?" Her group seemed to be waiting for a stall to free up.

She smiled weakly. "I don't even know half of them. Selphie set the whole thing up, a sort of end-of-the-year celebration."

We were nearing the end of seventh grade. The school year was going to end next week.

Selphie broke off from the group and approached curiously, probably wondering where Kairi disappeared to. Her eyes found me and grew wider the closer she got.

"Sora? Is that you?" She closed the distance between us and took the seat beside Kairi. "So this is where you go after school," she remarked to Kairi. Selphie returned her attention to me. "I haven't seen you in such a long time. How's it going?"

Kairi shot me a nervous glance. She didn't plan for my appearance.

I glanced at her reassuringly and put out a disarming smile for Selphie. I was a little rusty, but with Kairi here, I was confident in my routine, even if I hadn't done this since elementary school. "It's been going good, thanks for asking—but wow, look at you, the boys must be all over you, huh?"

She giggled cutely. "I'm so glad you haven't changed one bit! I heard you and Kairi still stayed in touch. Looks like she's been keeping you all to herself," she joked.

If Kairi was the tomboy, then Selphie was the girly girl. She was always wearing skirts and dresses and never dared touched anything that could compromise her femininity. Even when she was young, she didn't see boys as an icky pack of pigs like the other girls, she was already planning out romantic adventures in her head. She became an avid participant in our games of tag since she loved to chase boys.

"Why didn't you introduce us earlier, weren't we all friends back then?" she asked Kairi.

"Uh, well…" the redhead stammered out.

"My time is very valuable. If you want in, you're gonna have to pay up," I cut in, saving Kairi the effort of coming up with an excuse.

Selphie was amused by my antics. "You know, we were waiting for one of the stalls to clear up since the big ones are all taken. Do you mind if we move in here?"

The stall was arranged in the shape of a "U." If everybody squeezed in and around, it was doable.

"You don't have to," Kairi qualified.

"What are you talking about? This is your last chance with Riku. You should grab it! You'll help, right Sora?"

I shot her a confused look.

Selphie's mouth opened in recognition. "Oh, that's right, you don't know. Well, one of the boys here is Kairi's crush," she whispered conspiratorially.

"Riku's here?" I replied.

Kairi elbowed her friend. "Selphie!"

"What? It's true."

I glanced at the group again and spotted a spiky mop of silver hair. It had been a long time so I couldn't recognize him, but I could see it now. "Yeah, it's fine," I said to Selphie. "Invite them all over."

"Great! Just gimme a sec." The bouncy girl got up and hopped over to her friends.

This was my chance to prove that my feelings for Kairi were nothing more than platonic.

"What are you doing?" she asked. It looked like she was sweating bullets.

"Relax. What are you so worried about? Are you that embarrassed about me?"

"Of course not!" she protested, slightly outraged by the suggestion. "Why would you even think that? It's just—the one I'm embarrassed about is me..."

"You're so stupid."

"W-What?"

I smiled. It was because of these brief outbursts that I knew that the old Kairi was still lurking underneath her new glossy exterior. "All you have to do is be yourself."

In retrospect, that was probably the worst advice I could give. She was still in the middle of changing herself. I probably confused her more than anything else.

"Hey!" Selphie shouted, catching my attention. "Allow me to give you a quick introduction. This is Tidus, you remember him, don't ya?"

She pointed to a blond boy with a carefree expression. It was hard for me to forget that baby face since I'd seen it crying many times. Selphie always targeted him during our games of tag, and it really ticked him off. He would whine about how unfair it was.

"Oh man, it's been a long time. Glad to see your hair's still crazy as ever," he greeted.

Kairi and I exchanged knowing glances. "I know, right? It's my trademark," I chuckled, running a hand through my spikes.

A small laughter rang through the group.

"This sweet little girl right here is Olette," Selphie introduced next.

The girl stepped forward and smiled pleasantly. Her hair was short and fluffy, stopping above the neck, with two tendrils snaking down her shoulders. She made a slight bow. "Nice to meet you, Sora."

"Oh, you're pretty cute."

Her face flushed slightly.

"Still got the moves, eh?" Selphie giggled. "Don't mind him, he's like that with every girl."

"Don't give her the wrong idea. You make it sound like I'm a player," I protested.

"You should've seen him in elementary, he broke all the girls' hearts," Selphie joked.

"And you were always chasing the boys. I still got the bruises to prove it."

Her friends snickered.

"What?" she gasped scandalously.

I stuck my tongue out, having pulled one over her.

"L—Let's move on. This is Hayner. He's kind of like you, but without the charm."

"Hey!" cried another boy. He was thinner than Tidus with a wiry frame. Strands of blond hair were greased back but the gel didn't hold the entire way, causing the ends to split wildly. He looked like the type that was easily strung along. He planted his palms on his hips and gave a wide grin. "Don't believe her lies. I'm much cooler than she thinks."

"What kind of guy says that about himself?" Olette interjected.

"It's true!" he argued.

"I believe it," I stated bluntly. "I can tell you're a good guy."

His face colored from the unexpected compliment. "S-See! This guy knows what's up."

"Settle down, I still haven't finished the introductions!" Selphie yelped. "Ahem, anyways, here's another girl—wait, where is she? Step up, don't be shy!"

I tilted my head, trying to catch a glimpse of a nervous blonde standing behind Olette. Selphie grabbed her arm and pulled her into the spotlight.

"This is Naminé, and she's a great artist. You should see her pictures, they look amazing."

"H-Hi…" she squeaked. She fumbled with her hands and avoided direct eye contact. Strands of blonde hair covered her face.

"Hey Naminé, can you look at me for a second?" I urged.

"Huh?" She lifted her head and our eyes met for a brief moment. She averted them quickly afterward.

"There you go. Don't be shy. You look beautiful."

"Damn Sora, you just can't help yourself, can you?" Tidus teased.

"You hear that, Naminé? Have some more confidence," Olette told the shy girl.

"Th-Thank you."

"It's nothing."

I was using the lessons I learned from Kairi. I could never forget how she swept others into her pace, tugging them into our games of tag. No stragglers were left behind. It was easier back then. Friendship was born from an outstretched hand. There was no need for proper introductions, good first impressions, or any of the other bizarre social rituals that prevent us from what we really wanted to do: be with others.

Read the expressions, say the right words, and never stop smiling—that's what I learned from Kairi. I wanted to show the girl who saved me my appreciation by continuing her legacy and make others feel good about themselves.

I gave Kairi a sidelong glance and she nodded back hesitantly. She had been unnaturally silent, and the reason why was about to be introduced.

"Last, but not least, here's Riku, the star of our blitzball team!" presented Selphie with a flourish.

There he was, a far cry from the childish mental image I held in my head. He was tall, a lot taller than all of us. Kairi was right; he made all of us look like kids. He possessed an authoritative air, exuded charm, and radiated charisma. He was the one who led our adventures when we were young, a fearless leader who would charge into anything without question. He hadn't changed one bit.

He smiled at me curiously. "When I was young, I once knew a kid named Sora." He was testing the waters, letting me know that he remembered.

"Really?" I said, feigning surprise. "When I was young, I once knew a kid named Riku too." There was no doubt anymore. He was the last remnant of a past that felt more like a dream than a memory.

Selphie's eyes darted between us until she put the two pieces puzzle together. "Wait, you guys know each other?"

"Not really, but we used to be friends," explained Riku. "It's very nice to see you again, after all these years." He extended his hand for me to shake.

His grip was tight.

"It's the same over here," I replied in kind.

It wasn't a grand reunion between long lost friends; it was a meeting between two strangers trying to confirm their suspicions about the other. Our pleasantries were forced, a show for our audience. I had no idea what was going on in his head. He was the same as ever, cool and confident without conscience. He was indeed worthy of Kairi's affections. Anyone would be taken in by him.

"Let's all take a seat," Selphie ordered.

They packed themselves in, squeezing me and Kairi together in the middle. All the girls sat on the left side and all the boys sat on the right. It was a new scene for me, but one that I was oddly comfortable in. I was surrounded by my peers, but with Kairi by my side, I let myself loose.

The boys and girls exchanged jokes, told stories, and laughed with each other. It was easy for me to join in and heighten the mood. I had the special talent of latching on to the right words and spinning them to greater effect.

"I wish Naminé brought some of her pictures to show off. If you saw them, you'd say wow! They're amazingly beautiful. She's really talented!" Selphie gushed.

"She must do a lot of self-portraits then, huh?" I spun.

The crowd laughed at my well-aimed comment and Naminé ears burned with embarrassment.

"I'm just kidding, but I'm pretty curious about your paintings now. Are they really that good?" I try to level out the jokes with some curiosity and concern. I wanted her to feel comfortable.

"I don't know. Everybody tells me they're good, but I just paint without really thinking about it," she answered quietly.

"You don't have to be modest," Olette encouraged.

I opened the channel and allowed the other boys to chime in. I manipulated the flow and ebb of the conversation and made sure that no stone was left unturned.

"It's gonna be sad when the year's over," Tidus remarked. "Our captain's leaving for greener pastures." He patted Riku on the back. "Can't you stay behind a year and help us win another championship?"

"C'mon captain, whaddya say?" Hayner pitched in for extra persuasion.

"Sorry, but life moves on," Riku answered back, shrugging off his juniors' attempts.

Blitzball was the most popular sport on the island, and the three of them, Riku, Tidus, and Hayner, were all on the blitzball team. Riku, the current captain, was getting ready for high school while the others were preparing to take up his mantle.

"That's right, you're a year ahead of us," I said idly.

"Yeah, I'm going to Destiny High. Now I'm gonna be a small fish in a big pond, just like you guys."

"High school's a big step, isn't it?" Selphie said wistfully. "I can't wait."

"But I'm kind of worried," Riku revealed. "Everybody's a lot bigger than me. I'll probably be stuck in JV for awhile."

"I don't think you got anything to worry about. You practically look the part already," I assured.

Everybody agreed with me.

"Don't you think so, Kairi?" I was trying to give her an opportunity to talk with Riku. I noticed that she hadn't been participating very much. She simply said "Yes" or "No" when prompted, but other than that, she seemed to be lost.

"Oh…yeah," she admitted weakly.

"People grow up. It happens to everyone sooner or later," Riku told us wisely. He trained his eyes on me. "The last time I saw you, we were little kids. I'm surprised at how much you changed. You used to follow me around like a little puppy."

"A puppy? Hahaha," laughed Selphie. "Didn't he follow you around like a puppy too, Kairi?"

I took their comments in stride. "Even puppies become dogs."

"A mangy one," Kairi quipped.

"Ooh, looks like someone's jealous," Tidus joked. "But I can't deny that you've learned some new tricks."

"Come on guys, you're making me blush," I said disarmingly.

"No, it's really great through," Riku interrupted. "I was really worried about you. It was like you couldn't do anything without me, but I guess I was wrong. You dropped out of my life for no reason, left me wondering what you've been up to all these years, and it turns out you've been doing just fine. I can relax now. You've got all these great friends and everybody likes you. You're just the life of the party, aren't you?"

"Speak for yourself. You're the captain of the blitzball team, and I hear you're popular with the girls. Am I wrong?"

"You've hit the nail on the head," Hayner confirmed. "This dude's locker is filled with love letters. It pisses me off actually."

"Is one of you girls pining for him at this very moment?" I teased.

They became silent.

"Don't put us on the spot like that," Olette shouted.

I raised my hands in a show of peace. "Sorry, I'm just messing around."

"What about you?" Riku asked me. "With your personality, you must've had a girlfriend or two already."

"Please. I'm still not over my cooties phase yet."

"I agree. Middle school girls are icky. I prefer a mature girl, like a high schooler," Hayner announced proudly.

"Then why are you hanging out with us?" Olette said angrily.

"Hey! Take a joke—damn, this is why high school girls are _way_ better." He was just digging his grave deeper.

"You might wanna shut up now," advised Tidus.

"This is what I get for being honest?"

"No, it's what you get for being a jerk," Olette corrected.

"So there's no one you like?" Riku pushed, resuming the topic of my personal love life.

Kairi stared at me expectantly. She was curious about this too.

"Even if there was, there are issues preventing me from pursuing a relationship," I disclosed.

"Issues?" Riku echoed.

"Time and money."

The boys laughed at my answer.

But the biggest reason was that I couldn't make her happy. I was trapped in my circumstances. I couldn't take her out on dates, I couldn't give her any gifts, and I could barely make time to talk to her on the phone. What kind of lousy relationship was that? She deserved better. The thought made my stomach sink. Even if she shared my feelings, nothing would change between us. We were still limited to our meetings at the Secret Place.

"I'm on the track team, and I'm a pretty stingy guy. Kairi can back me up on that, right?" I added.

"Y-Yeah. Every time we go out to eat, he never buys anything. I have to buy something for him sometimes," she put together hastily.

"You guys go out?" Riku asked her.

"Sora and Kairi are best friends. They're pretty much tied to the hip. They've been together since they first met in elementary school," Selphie explained.

"Is that true?" Riku wondered. I wasn't sure if he was asking me or Kairi.

"Yeah, that's right. I'd be helpless without her. I owe her my life," I declared.

"You don't have to exaggerate so much," she muttered.

But I wasn't exaggerating. She had saved me and given me hope, but if I had it my way, she would never learn the extent of her saving grace.

"No exaggeration. I can say, without a doubt, that without Kairi, I wouldn't be who I am today. She's a great girl. She's funny, smart, and extremely kind. What more can you ask for? Just look at her, she's so pretty!"

She shrank behind my shower of compliments, but the boys agreed with me whole-heartedly.

"Now that you mention it, she does have a mature air around her…" Hayner commented.

"I always thought she was mature," Tidus said, nodding his head like he knew it all along.

Riku smiled at her. "Sora speaks highly of you. You must mean a lot to him."

"It's nothing," she said quietly.

"Why you acting so meek?" I said to her.

"Sh-Shut up!" She covered her mouth when she realized what she said. "I-I mean, isn't it time for you to go now?"

"Time for me to go?" I had completely forgotten about my curfew. I dug out my keychain and looked at the time. "Crap."

"Is that a moogle? It's so cute!" Selphie gushed.

I made a nervous smile. "Yeah, it is. Sorry guys, but I gotta jet or I'm gonna be late. I promised to be somewhere so if you guys don't mind moving out of the way," I hastily explained.

"It's no problem," Tidus answered. "Let's get out of the way, guys." They all shuffled out for me.

"Hey Sora, this isn't going to be the last time we see each other, is it? Are you going to Destiny High?" Riku asked.

There were no district lines for high schools.

"I will."

"Good." He stuck out his hand for one last shake. His grip was tighter than before.

I ran out and didn't see him again for another year.

I was able to get home on time. As soon as I entered, I was ordered to cook dinner. I drudged over to the kitchen and started working.

My chores had grown more complex at home. They only trusted me to clean the floor when I first arrived, but I moved on to cooking and maintenance as I grew older. They didn't even teach me how. It was like they expected me to just _know_. I was forced to learn on my own and if I messed up, I was punished. I was a quick learner.

A couple days went by before Kairi and I met again at the Secret Place. She was depressed.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

She glared at me, but it soon turned into self-pity. "I'm such a loser," she moaned. "Sorry I wasted the chances you gave me. I knew it was my last shot before he moved to high school and yet…I couldn't even say anything." Her eyes were a little red. She'd been beating herself up over it.

"It's not like he's gone forever. You'll just have to wait another year before you make your move. You're going to Destiny High, right?"

She smiled. "Yeah. That means we'll finally be going to the same school again." She perked up at that.

I was really excited about it too. "Just one more year…I'm looking forward to it."

"Do you think that Riku will find a girlfriend by the time we get there?" She looked at me seriously, as if my answer controlled the outcome.

I shrugged. "He didn't seem interested in girls if you ask me."

"Maybe because none of the girls at school interested him?" she let out thoughtfully. The wheels in her head were spinning. She was hoping to turn into someone interesting enough for Riku to notice.

"You've been working hard, haven't you?"

"Not really. I still feel like there's a lot more I need to learn." She touched her hair and frowned. "My hair's barely grown."

"Just give it time. You've got a whole year in front of you. That's still plenty of time to change." And plenty of time for me to crush my feelings for her.

She grinned at me. "I feel really dumb for worrying about you earlier."

"What do you mean?"

"I can sort of understand what Riku said. I didn't know if you were going to be okay without me, but it looks like it was the opposite. I'm hopeless without you," she laughed.

Would it make her feel better if I told her it was all an illusion made possible by her presence?

Probably not.

That was our last meeting before summer vacation.

Summer was hell for me. I no longer had to attend school, which meant my caretakers had me all to themselves. This was when they would start experimenting, throwing me into new tasks until I mastered them. I never learned correctly the first time.

To Kairi, summer was when I disappeared into a black hole. I always had to remind her that her summer plans couldn't include me. I cycled through many different explanations: camp for one summer, visiting relatives the next, an overseas trip, anything really.

It was during this summer that I thoroughly convinced myself that my infatuation with her had ended. Spending time away from her made it easier to delude myself.

Since Riku was no longer attending Kairi's school, our conversations settled back into our usual topics. She was reverting to her old self, but she kept growing her hair, "_just in case_." But that wasn't her most prominent change. That award would have to go to her chest, which filled out beautifully.

Things almost returned to normal. My chest would experience sharp pangs from time to time, but I managed to turn it into a dull throb. I ignored it most days.

Near the end of eighth grade, Kairi called me out to the Secret Place.

"I have something I want to show you." She reached into her purse and pulled out a cell phone. "Ta-da! My parents finally caved in and bought me a cell."

I noticed something familiar dangling off the corner. "Is that a moogle?"

"It's cute, isn't it? It looks just like yours."

I pulled out my keychain to compare. The only difference was that her keychain wasn't a clock, not that it needed to be, it was attached to a cell phone after all.

"You should get one too, so we can talk without having to go through your house phone," she explained happily. "It's just _soo_ convenient."

I gave her a disappointed smile. "My parents are strict. I probably won't get a cell phone until after I graduate," I lied.

"That's a shame." She took out a piece of paper and pen from her purse and scribbled on it. "Here's my new phone number. Call me maybe?"

I laughed and looked it over, memorizing it instantly. The only other number in my head was her home phone.

"Sure."

* * *

**AN: Any and all comments are greatly appreciated.  
**

**Thank you for reading.  
**


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